it's a dirty job but somebody's gotta do it..

It is indeed disturbing when you read about death of infants which may be due to the caretaker's negligence. It makes you think 'What is wrong with these people?'. It was recently reported in the dailies about a death of a month year old infant who starved to death after his parents who were drunk shitless forgot to feed him (here for complete article) & in today's papers an interesting letter sent in by a reader in NZ.

I quote from the letter - If one mentions the term “child negligence”, one would instantly define it as bad parenting. Child negligence is not just bad parenting. It is also classified as a kind of abuse in which the parents do not medically, physically and emotionally nurture a child well enough to ensure that he or she grows up healthy and safe. Moreover, one would quickly assume that child negligence is commited by irresponsible parents from dysfunctional or lower income families who choose to take drugs or alchohol instead of being responsible caregivers. This is not true. Child negligence occur in any family, regardless of the socio-economic background, age, appearance, skin colour and ethnicity. It takes place in advanced societies, too. We should not be surprised if the trend is apparent even among middle or high income families. Child negligence no longer involves parents who have substance, drinking or behavioural problems. Negligence now comes in the form of parents who think maids and teachers can take their place in raising the children. This also applies to the hedonistic and materialistic sort who prefer partying, shopping, having fun with their friends and socialising rather than spending quality time with their children.

Just this morning I was chatting with a friend who wanted some advise on some problems her son was having in school. I can understand her being protective over him what with him being a sensitive child & with certain shortcomings which he can overcome given time, lots of guidance, patience & tlc. But I firmly believe that she should let loose the apron strings a bit & let him learn through these experiences, good or bad. I believe that her son is on the right track & she only needs to constantly teach him to stand up for himself, be tougher & wisen up to his 'bullies'.

Then as I was driving back after fetching the daughter from school, she tells me of her classmate who came to school with gucci bags & a cup of coffee. She fell asleep during one of the lessons & apparently after being queried, she told of how she sneaked out of the house at an ungodly hour this morning to lepak in a fast food outlet till it was time to go to school.

Seems the guy who masterminded this get-together is a senior who 'stole' the parents car to pick them up. While the rest of them headed for school straight after their rendezvous (what they were doing in that outlet for four hours in the wee hours of the morning baffles me & for the hell of it, they cannot possibly be studying), the smarty-pants drove back, parked the car & then went to school and made do like nothing happened.

Now, I am curious - how did these kids get away with this? Did the parents wake up this morning, found their child absent & go 'Oh, they have probably left for school?'. I mean, really? If you as a mother wakes up at six in the morning, goes to the child's room to wake them up only to find they are not there, would you assume that your child has left for school? Seriously, which teenager is eager to jump out of bed & go to school at six in the morning. They would only do that if its the last day of school and the start of a long semester break. That too, provided they don't have some boring penceramah drumming some nonsensical stuff (like buat lah benda berfaedah masa cuti anda) into their ear passage which can only go in one & out the other.

As much as we parents want to protect them all the time, sometimes it is very difficult to & we have to watch them fall (physically, literally). It hurts us more than it does them but we have to hold back & trust they will come out of it stronger. If a child fails & feels bad, it is up to us to tell them it's okay, to tell them that it's not so bad after all. Let them know that whatever they achieve or whatever they fail to, we are there for them - loving them, encouraging them, just being there if they need a shoulder to cry on, or just to listen & if we are lucky enough, words of wisdom.

Nobody said parenting is easy. It's tough, challenging with lots of laughter, tears, pain, anger but somebody's got to do it. Would I go through what I did with my child all over again? In a heartbeat & a thousand times over...

To the daughter if you are reading this, always know that I am here for you no matter what & that I love you to death. But all this talk about failing doesn't give you the license to slack off & say "But you said..." Yes, I do love you with all my life but I will not hesitate to smack some senses into that pretty little head of yours...