she has left us. on the twenty ninth day of october at five fifteen in the evening, she breathed her last. god was merciful enough to make her final breath quick. she's in a better place now. where she can suffer no more, feel pain no more, groan in agony no more.
the funeral was the next day. we decided to cremate and bury the ashes in the grave where my late dad was laid to rest. the burial of the urn which holds her ashes will be done next weekend. it will be another heartbreaking moment as we lay her to rest finally.
it was a roller coaster emotional journey. from the time we found out about her condition till the very moment we said our final goodbyes to her physical being. we sat by her as she lay unconscious. we stood by her as she winced in pain as the doctors prodded and poked her. helpless, deep down we could only cry. putting up a brave front in her presence, all guards were let down and the tears flowed when we were alone. we cried for being helpless, we cried for her pain. if only there was something we could do....if only...remains...
i was asked to do the eulogy. what do i say? will i be overcome by grief and emotions...this was my tribute to her...
someone once told me 'cancer gives us time'. how much time, no one knows exactly. what we choose to do or not do, who's to say and judge. irene chose to fight and fight she did. from outside peeking into the window of her life, i now know how very strong she was. the medical procedures, enduring it and living it; she persevered. she never gave up till she breathed her last. i have always known her to be quiet, gentle, submissive but beneath all that, deep down was a fighter. and i thank her for putting up a fight. i thank her for all that she has done, for all that she has sacrificed. i thank her for fighting to give us the time we needed. it wasn't an easy journey for the family. but she brought out the best in us. we stood by one another, putting aside our differences; and did it all for her. because we love her. we love her as a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a niece, a cousin, a friend. whatever we did, we did it for her. and on behalf of her and my family, i can only express my heartfelt gratitude to all who have helped us. yes, i shed a silent tear for the fact that i have lost a beloved sister. but i rejoice in the knowledge that god loves her more and has taken her back to his fold.
this day, as i sit here looking up to the sky
i ask myself why
how you have suffered for so long
until the moment you went home to where you belong
i have cried and prayed for this day to come
so that it would get over and be done
the memories of us, i will always cherish
you fought every day, you fought every night
you left this world with dignity and grace
forever in our hearts, you will have a huge place
i miss you che (sister), i love you will all my heart
your pain and suffering is no more
you are now resting in peace
the heart aches, the tears flow
it's hard to do but we must let go
thank you god for you love her so
the pain the suffering, she feels no more
i thank god for the wonderful gift he had given us in her. i thank god for all the times we had with her, good and bad. i thank god for allowing me, gifting me the time, patience and the strength to walk with her this journey. i thank god for all the support and help given to us by friends and family. i thank god for my wonderful sister roseline who gave her all unselfishly to care my dying sister. despite all the shortcomings, despite all the dysfunction - i praise and thank god.
they say time will heal....it will. someday. but now, i am missing her. terribly. the grieving process. it sucks. it feels like shit. the emptiness. but we must allow ourselves this. the moment to mourn her passing. that we have lost someone so dear to us.
she will be loved. for now and always till kingdom come. rest in peace and goodbye my darling sister...
