before the exodus

a little less than a week & muslims worldwide will be celebrating hari raya aidilfitri. as most schools / academic institutions are starting their leave tomorrow, most of us (muslims & non-muslims alike) will embark on the journey back home to be with family & loved ones.

to those celebrating, have a wonderful & blessed raya. and also i would like to take this opportunity to pinta maaf dari hujung rambut sampai hujung kaki kalau ada silap dan salah. yang termakan terminum tu, minta halalkan.

and to the non-muslims, have a good holiday.

be safe, wherever you may be.

things you don't say to your wife

got this from a friend a couple of days back. pretty hilarious stuff. men, take note...





sing along now folks...

hey honey, have you gained some weight in your rear ends
the dress you wear reminds me of my old girlfriends
and where'd you get those shoes, i think they're pretty lame
would you stop talking cos i'm trying to watch the game
if you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life
these are the things you don't say to your wife

i planned a hunting trip next week on your birthday
i didn't ask you but i knew it'd be okay
go make some dinner while i watch this fishing show
i taped it over our wedding video
if you're a man who done that
a long and happy life
these are the things you don't say to your wife

your cooking is okay but not like mother makes
the diamond in the ring i bought you is a fake
your eyes look puffy dear are you feeling ill
happy anniversary, i bought you a treadmill
if you're a man who wants to live, yeah thats you
these are the things you don't say to your wife
you're a man who doesn't want to get killed with a knife
these are the things you don't say to your wife

he's got some other stuff on his site www.timhawkins.net or you can check them out at www.youtube.com (especially the 'i don't drink beer')

can i walk with you

scene 1
weekend at the market (not the wet stinky market 'k but the uppity market in an affluent neighbourhood). lady probably in her late 20s or early 30s, dressed not quite appropriately for marketing unless you consider a low cut dress with heels suitable for buying the weekly supply of fish, meat & veg; in heels & quite heavily made up. she's pushing her way around with her maid in tow, buying some stuff. then she runs up to a much older man, walks around arm in arm & goes 'abang, you rasa we should buy this ke?'. ahhhh, bini nombor dua ke tiga ke empat ke...

scene 2
at a local barbers (where a quick trim & shave costs the hubby rm12). a pakcik walks in with 4 young ones in tow. he & two other boys sit on the barber's chairs for their new raya look. two other girls sit at the waiting area giggling. the pakcik is done but the other two boys aren't. pakcik go sit with the girls. the girls ask him for something & he said 'okay okay, nanti kita gi beli'. the girls squeal with deligh & go 'thank you papa, thank you papa...'. eh???

this morning on the radio, they were discussing about people's perception when they see an old man with a sweet young thing... it seems one of the deejays saw a 70 year old man with a young thing & of course everybody in the mamak shop were sniggering & whispering lah. typical no?

some said 'mind your own business' (which is sometimes easier said than done), our kepochiness just won't allow it. normally, i wouldn't give two hoots about it - it may be dad & child, grandad & cucu or like one listener put it the syt (sweet young thing) was trying to borrow money from the old man. until...... until the girl behaves so miang. then for sure lah, confirm the old man is dating the young ciku. why do i say that? look, the old buggers who normally date the young ones are normally quite well to do (if got no vitamin m, you think the syt will look your way ah??) & can afford to splurge on the young girlfriend lah.. and normally these girls will go all mengada-ngada. ada betul ka?

the daughter is now 14 going on 15 & my other half is nearing the hill soon. sometimes when we go out, the dad likes to hug the girl. come five years time, will they be mistaken for dirty old man with an opportunist young thing?

when you have nothing nice to say...

...then just zip it!! or in nicer terms, don't say anything at all. i received an e-mail from an ex-colleague (rb) asking me for some goss on my ex-boss to commemorate his donkey years employment with the company & he's being given a long service award or something like that. so rb got roped in by the hr department to do a write up as a tribute to this fella.

apparently rb interviewed the dinosaurs in the company & they told her that i would be able to provide more information / low-down on this ass (sort of tells you my sentiments of him eh??). firstly the head of hr (who is still scheming her evil doings there) was, is & will till the end of time be pally pally with him - she should know all the dirt. and so like her to get someone else to do all the shit work & she then goes up there and gives 'her' presentation like she had a helluva lot to do with it.

and he's got a string of loyal supporters - he's the best boss in this world; i've learnt so much from him (eh, if you've learnt so much why are you still doing the same thing you did five years ago??); i will stay in this company for as long as he is my boss; i will follow him till the ends of the earth.... they should be able to heap praises on him till kingdom come. do not ask me as he once remarked that hiring me was the biggest mistake of his life (albeit in a joking tone but he said it too many a times till it began to feel like it was the truth).

how do i say nice things about someone i have lost respect for?? yeah, initially when i joined the company, i thought he & she (the evil one) were nice bosses. but i guess i was too outspoken & smart (well at least compared to them) for my own good. so after about a little more than two years, i decided not to take their shit anymore & left...

so here's my 'tribute' to my ex-boss who is a ...

• scrooge - yeah i know he is the person holding the company's moolah but ever heard of the saying penny wise pound foolish. well!! here you have the living breathing proof. don't ever say i was never the obedient employee. after many years of the department not having a company lunch, we managed to persuade him to organize a departmental lunch. on one event, we went to a chinese restaurant (which is quite famed for its seafood selection). everybody was pretty excited when the person taking our orders recommended the lobster but alas, boss said 'no, no lobster. too expensive, there's too many of us here. take the fish instead'. as yours truly was responsible for the ordering, i chose the soon hock fish. for the not so well informed, this fish is one of the most expensive items in the menu which would have cost almost the same as if we took the lobsters. the bill came up close to rm900 - one of the highest we have ever seen. what??!! i took the fish what, didn't i??
  
• spineless balls-less ass - when i brought up an expense discrepancy to him, he would be like 'yeah, yeah, we can't allow this'. then when the claimants come to him & argue, he would be like 'oh okay, we'll allow it this time' (it would be the same thing each & every time). he'll cave in if the other party is a foot taller than him.. so there!!
  
• mr 'i'll think about it' - any time we wanted him to do something or needed his approval, he would go 'oh, i'll think about it' on us. and most of the time his thinking will take forever. during my employment with the company, we had quarterly activities on top of other activies we had to organize for the employees. and every single time, i had to run to him for approval even for a measly hundred bucks item. kind of fed up i asked him for a budget for me to work with (not much just rm200 or so) & he went all i'll think about it on me. and this was for meals for the staffs who were dragged back on a weekend for a seminar. oh come on!! i wasn't even asking for two thousand bucks just a measly 200 bucks. he said he needed the supremo uno's approval on this. what???? you kidding me?? what did i do? i told him don't bother, i'll talk to the big boss. and whadya know, i got the budget i wanted. and after that any project i worked on, i got a budget from the boss & didn't have to go running to haji bakhil each and every time i needed something.

so, what was my reply to rb? i told her that i don't have anything to say about him & she would get a better scoop by talking to his fellow comrades who are reaching a decade just like him or those who are 'air-conditioning' him. i don't normally bitch about my exes (in work or relationships) but they started it. i wasn't flattered that they should think i have fond memories of him. i have had bosses who were a bitch to work with but in actuality, they are a diamond in the rough & i am glad to say that i have them for friends and i have nothing but respect for them. and then there are the ones who seem so nice & understanding but in reality, are the shit for brains morons and i don't give a rats ass about them.

if you recall my post mind your own beezy-ness, you don't disturb me i'll leave you in peace. as rb said its hr's project - last i recalled, i stopped drawing a paycheck about two years back. so bugger off!! and i'll leave the she for when the company decides to award her for whatever it is they decide & if they are dumb enough to ask for my input again!!

ps - hilang pahala puasa. si katek tu punya pasal lah....

and they say love is dead...

this morning i went to deposit a cheque for the credit card payment (sigh!! is there no end to this??). just as i was about to enter the ebanking center, i saw this couple (quite old pakcik & wife) on their bike. the pakcik was dropping off the wife for work i suppose. my guess is the makcik works as a cleaner at the bank.

just as she was bending down to pick up the papers, atm chits, envelope seals that were strewn across all over the place, i noticed the hubby started helping her by sweeping the floor & picking up the rubbish. it warms the heart to see such love.

is it so difficult to take that extra few steps to dispose the rubbish into the bin? yeah yeah, some idiots might say 'but that's her job what!!'... what?? you live in a pig sty? is that what you do at home? do you just throw rubbish on the floor & expect your maid to pick up after you?

i had a dream....

i am not sure why but of late i have been having dreams when i sleep, which is not something that normally happens. mostly when morning comes, i have a vague recollection of my dream & i have never been one who is too bothered about it or what it means.

but one morning i kinda of woke up in a confused state of mind. i dreamt of... horrors of all horrors my mother-in-law!! yeah, yeah... i know i know i probably should have washed my feet before going to bed the night before. and to make it even scarier, in the dream she gave me a gift of expensive silk material to make baju kurung for the coming raya!! i mean my mil & i are not really the best of friends and of all people, she is the last person i would expect a gift from much less something pricey.

someone look out the window & tell me you are seeing pigs fly. or perhaps the latest in cnn that hell hath frozen over???

i think i do

the hubby volunteered to prepare this morning's sahur meal as yours truly is on a break. jools-wannabe decide to make burgers (albeit it being of the frozen type, never mindlah) & potato wedges. so the night before...

him: dah potong the kentang? (have you cut the potatoes?)
her: err, no. you can do that in the morning
him: tak sempat nanti (there won't be enough time). cut & put in the fridge lah
her: no needlah. it won't take very long to cut the potatoes la. okay lah, i'll help you *sigh*
him: okay okay. took our the burgers from the freezer 'd?
her: yesssssssss
him: wah!! so effecient one!!
her: then what you thought??
him: you bangun (waking up) ke tomorrow?
her: ya... i'm not so mean lah

so i had to drag my sleepy self out of bed at 330am to help him prepare the sahur meal. then when everything is ready, he says 'make scrambled eggs lah'... make la, make la...

well at least, after me washing up & clearing things - he was kind enough to let me sleep instead of turning on the tv. yeah, he did some time early this week. after the sahur meal, at about 430am he turned on the tv & was channel surfing whilst watching a series of live sporting events. of course i couldn't sleep with the glare & the noise from the tv. before i knew it, it was time to wake the daughter up & get ready to send her to school. just as i was about to get ready to start the day, darling hubby turns off the tv at 630am & is cozily going off to zzzzz land. huh!!??

that's him - my other half. god only knows how much i love him to death but there are times i just wanna smack his head.....

book review - jeffrey archer's a prisoner of birth

after my last book, it's been a while that i picked up another book to read. last saturday after sending the daughter for her music class, ventured into mph (a fave hangout to kill time). not really intending to buy anything (cos i still have a few books that haven't seen the light of day) but couldn't resist when i saw jeffrey archer's latest novel, prisoner of birth. i was patiently waiting for the paperback version. could. not. resist. had. to. buy. so bought lah. happy happy. like many of his other works, it is one i could not put down till i reached the end.


in summary - danny cartwright was arrested & charged with the murder of his best friend, who also happens to be his future bride's brother. and when the four prosecution witnesses are a barrister, a popular actor, an aristocrat & the youngest partner in an established firm's history; who is going to believe his side of the story? danny is then sentenced to twenty two years & sent to belmarsh prison, the highest security jail in the land where no prisoner has ever escaped. danny then goes on a quest to seek revenge while his fiancee is on a relentess quest to seek justice.

go here if you want to read an excerpt of this excellent book - http://www.jeffreyarcher.co.uk/excerpt-pob/1-18.pdf.


and thus begins my reading season where i will continue reading one book after another. till i get bored (not that i would get bored of reading but its like the monsoon season - it comes it goes it comes again) & won't pick up a book for ages till i get all excited again to read my latest buy & the season starts again. yeah, on & on it goes i guess....

i'm not missing me

yeah, its been a while since i logged on on the laps of mine & updated my blog. so what's been happening lately since i last rambled? nothing much really.

merdeka day - 31st august 2008
merdeka day came & went. it was the nation's 51st independence. it was a sunday so slept in a bit. at about 9ish, the hubby & i decided to have breakfast of nasi lemak bungkus & half boiled telur ayam kampung. mid breakfast, there was a black-out. then the daughter called said there's a black-out at home & ustaz cannot come up to the unit. so we had to call the ustaz to postpone the class. went back home. luckily the emergency lift was working, lest we have to walk all the way up to the 16th floor. thankfully the weather was bearable so we weren't hot & sweaty. went out for lunch & hoped for the electricity to come back after we got back but no such luck. a call to the guardhouse & they confirmed 'sedang dibikin puan'. a couple of hours later, a call to tnb & they said 'oh there's some maintenance work going on. it should be back in a while'. battery on all the laptops are out (thanks to the daughter & yours truly playing games). the hubby went out golfing, so the daughter & i went to a relatives place nearby. hung around till 7ish, then headed home for dinner. came back from dinner, still utter darkness. well, nothing to do in the dark.. so it was an early night for us & the cat included, sprawled out in the living room. just before midnight, the power came back on. lugged our blankies & pillows back to the rooms for a more comfortable sleep... and the next day is the first day of ramadhan


first day of ramadhan
time flew by & before we knew it, the fasting month beckons again. thankfully, today is a public holiday. woke up at 4am, woke the other two up for the sahur meal. for one whole month a year, we don't take rice & contribute a minimal portion of moolah to dutch lady (milk), kelloggs, nestle & post (cereal & oatmeal) - as this is our staple diet during the sahur.

as we abstain from food, drinks, smoking, all things evil (see, speak, hear, think) & sex - somehow there is a certain calm in us. no swearing (see, my post is swear free. now don't you wish this lasts, eh??). and it helps to rid our bodies of toxins & the shedding of a couple of kilos (or grams) is a plus. but only to put it all back in one day on the first day of raya. ahh, maybe won't pig out so much then... to make it more interesting the hubby & i are having a 'contest' to see who loses more by the end of ramadhan...


here & there...
so in between, i have been watching a lot of movies on dvd. will post soon on whats good & whats trash.. or at least what i think anyway...

oh!! mama olly popped & we welcome oliver kwok into the world. a healthy 3.1kg (me thinks) baby boy prince of con & ian. such a cutie (till he screams that is i suppose)...congrats mama olly.

so to my fellow muslims out there, selamat berpuasa & have a safe one.