emotion is a strange and funny thing

Just after we got back from the Raya holidays, I got news that the boss' dad was not in the pink of health. He was hospitalised for almost a month already after having kidney failure. Experience told me that he was just counting the days from then on.

But someone I knew was convinced the man would live on for a couple of centuries more, what with the ability of the son to fork out for expensive medical attention & dialysis. She kept asking the boss about the dad's condition & probably hoping to hear "Oh, he's fine & dandy."

I don't mean to sound like a party pooper but I wondered if she knew what she was talking about. Then just last weekend, the boss IMs me on the Berry to say that the dad suffered another cardiac arrest. I immediately replied asking if he wanted me to cancel his trip scheduled for Monday. Then early Monday morning, I received a text from the boss informing the passing of his dad. Amidst the urgent letter to a client in Indonesia & the tax people in HK, I managed to with the other colleagues pay our last respects.

When the last rites were being performed, I heard sobs around me. Yes it saddened me to see the effects of his death on his family but I just couldn't shed a tear. Was I being heartless? See, when my father in law was diagnosed with the same problem and had to go in and out with the hospital, his sufferings only made me pray to the Almighty to take him away sooner. The same happened when I heard that the boss' dad suffered a heart attack. Was I being evil?

Why do I pray for this? Why do I ask God to take them away from their families & loved ones? Because it hurts us to see them hurt. It breaks our heart when they are in pain. Do I want them to stay alive dependent on machines but in actual fact totally helpless and in so much pain?

When we received a text this morning from the boss thanking everyone for their kind thoughts and words when his dad was sick and upon his demise, my reply to him was 'Take comfort in knowing that Allah loves arwah more & that his sufferings are no more and that he is finally at peace.. All I can offer is al-Fathihah for arwah. Take care, be strong for he lives in all of you'. Was I being insensitive?

Even when my father in law passed on and the last rites were being performed as those around me were sobbing and mourning his loss, I gave thanks to God for alleviating him of his sufferings and pain. For I truly knew then that he wouldn't be throwing up and crying in pain as a result of his body rejecting the chemotheraphy; his frustration in not being able to get up and walk around and do what he had always been doing; his annoyance when people couldn't comprehend him when he was trying to say something; the pain from the bed-sores from being bedridden; the shame when he couldn't control his bladder & motor systems.

So, am I really devoid of any emotion, sympathy and empathy?

Al-Fathihah to the soul of all who have passed on.....

cover versions of something familiar

First a friend posted this on Facebook but didn't really give it much thought. Then saw the same thing in another friend's blog. And now I am putting it here for you to enjoy. It's too funny to not share....





Who would have thought, right?

someone tell me...

...what this means?

'ushers must have plague and certificates ready on stage'

I'm not in the right frame or simply to lazy to tell her what went wrong where...

Yes, this one from the one who says I am imperfect and have my many flaws.

and she is back...with a vengeance

Or not....

My poor poor blog, being neglected for so long. As I am typing this, I am clearing the cobwebs that have formed...

Like I said, when I signed the letter of employment I signed my life away. No time for anything else what more my rantings & ravings. Don't know if anyone has been missing me. Nah!! Who am I kidding???

A month or more has come and gone. We have started into the fasting month and almost nearing the end. Raya is about a stone's throw away. Just got back from some shopping - well, the routine kuih raya (anything with ceklat, for the kids), spaghetti (for Laksa Johor) & nasi impit (for Soto Ayam). Well, one good thing is I managed to convert the MIL into using instant nasi impit. Really, who has time to masak the nasi to the consistency of a bubur, then press in the loyang and leave to cool overnight. When life is made easier for you, embrace it I say...

Anyways....one more week before we head back south to celebrate Raya with the hubby's family. But this year is gonna be on a quieter scale. Don't really feel the excitement as yet. And it may probably just pass me by before I realise that it's come and gone.

Back in the days, I used to get excited at the thought of the upcoming festivities when we will balik kampung, meet up with the family, handing out duit raya (which has now become a very expensive affair), the noise, the merriment... I guess as we grow older and the kids are no longer three feet high..it becomes so unexciting. When once I would ensure I got the duit raya changed and packed into the nice little packs, this year I haven't done anything yet. And I am just using whatever notes I can find in my purse. Not bothered with the nice crisp notes yet. Money is money is money, right?

Baju raya? Only for the hubby & for the daughter...I'll just use whatever I can find in my wardrobe. What happened to the fun & anticipation?? When I was much younger, I would so look forward to festivities (regardless of whether I celebrate it or not) 'cos that was the only time we got new clothes, money, ate delicacies specially made for that ocassion. But now...new clothes? Every month, or whenever we see something we fancy. Money? The kids' allowances are even more than what they receive in those green or red little packs.. Specialty food? Ketupat? All year round... Rendang? Anytime, anywhere.. Bunga api, mercun? All we have now are those ridiculous 'pop pop' & 'sparkles'. Boring with a capital B...

Scrooge in the making? I don't know...I try be excited but it's just not happening. Well for me at least...But don't let me dampen your mood for the upcoming festivities. Eat, drink, be merry. And in the next week or so if I don't come back to clear my blog again, here's wishing you a safe & blessed Raya.

Kalau ada silap dan salah (sure ada punyelah), minta maaf banyak-banyak dari hujung rambut sampailah hujung kaki. Yang termakan terminum tu, minta halalkan.

Lepas ni kosong kosong. Tahun depan buat lagi.... :D