Just after we got back from the Raya holidays, I got news that the boss' dad was not in the pink of health. He was hospitalised for almost a month already after having kidney failure. Experience told me that he was just counting the days from then on.
But someone I knew was convinced the man would live on for a couple of centuries more, what with the ability of the son to fork out for expensive medical attention & dialysis. She kept asking the boss about the dad's condition & probably hoping to hear "Oh, he's fine & dandy."
I don't mean to sound like a party pooper but I wondered if she knew what she was talking about. Then just last weekend, the boss IMs me on the Berry to say that the dad suffered another cardiac arrest. I immediately replied asking if he wanted me to cancel his trip scheduled for Monday. Then early Monday morning, I received a text from the boss informing the passing of his dad. Amidst the urgent letter to a client in Indonesia & the tax people in HK, I managed to with the other colleagues pay our last respects.
When the last rites were being performed, I heard sobs around me. Yes it saddened me to see the effects of his death on his family but I just couldn't shed a tear. Was I being heartless? See, when my father in law was diagnosed with the same problem and had to go in and out with the hospital, his sufferings only made me pray to the Almighty to take him away sooner. The same happened when I heard that the boss' dad suffered a heart attack. Was I being evil?
Why do I pray for this? Why do I ask God to take them away from their families & loved ones? Because it hurts us to see them hurt. It breaks our heart when they are in pain. Do I want them to stay alive dependent on machines but in actual fact totally helpless and in so much pain?
When we received a text this morning from the boss thanking everyone for their kind thoughts and words when his dad was sick and upon his demise, my reply to him was 'Take comfort in knowing that Allah loves arwah more & that his sufferings are no more and that he is finally at peace.. All I can offer is al-Fathihah for arwah. Take care, be strong for he lives in all of you'. Was I being insensitive?
Even when my father in law passed on and the last rites were being performed as those around me were sobbing and mourning his loss, I gave thanks to God for alleviating him of his sufferings and pain. For I truly knew then that he wouldn't be throwing up and crying in pain as a result of his body rejecting the chemotheraphy; his frustration in not being able to get up and walk around and do what he had always been doing; his annoyance when people couldn't comprehend him when he was trying to say something; the pain from the bed-sores from being bedridden; the shame when he couldn't control his bladder & motor systems.
So, am I really devoid of any emotion, sympathy and empathy?
Al-Fathihah to the soul of all who have passed on.....
2 comments:
Different persons deal and show their emo differently... Laughter, tears, anger, seclusion, denial, etc are different examples of how emo are displayed to one situation. ;)
yeah i suppose but yet at another funeral a couple of days back,my colleagues were crying and letting it flow but i just couldn't. maybe i am alien....hmmmm?
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