got this in the mail a couple of days ago & simply had to share.. especially with my gal pals who can be bad as bad can be yet can have a halo on the head when need be (contradictory yes but hey we adapt!!). and yeah to them men too....
woman's perfect breakfast
she's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. her son is on the cover of the wheaties box; her daughter is on the cover of business week; her boyfriend is on the cover of playgirl & her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
woman's revenge
"cash, check or charge?" the cashier asks, after folding the items a woman wished to purchase. as she fumbled for her wallet, the cashier notices a tv remote control in her purse. "so, do you always carry your tv remote?" the cashier asks. "no," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me and i figured this was the most evil thing i could do to him legally."
wife vs husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. an earlier discussion had led to an argument & neither of them wanted to concede their position. as they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "relatives of yours?" "yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
words
a husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. the wife replied, "the reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..." the husband then turned to his wife and asked, "what?"
creation
a man said to his wife one day, "i don't know how you can be so stupid & so beautiful all at the same time." the wife responded "allow me to explain. god made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. god made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !"
who does what
a man & his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. the wife said, "you should do it because you get up first & then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
the husband said, "you are in charge of cooking around here & you should do it because that is your job & I can just wait for my coffee."
wife replies, "no, you should do it & besides it is in the bible that the man should do the coffee."
husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." so she fetches the bible & opens the new testament & showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........HEBREWS.
the silent treatment
a man & his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5am for an early morning business flight. not wanting to be the first to break the silence (& lose), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'please wake me at 5am'. he left it where he knew she would find it.
the next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9am & he had missed his flight. furious, he was about to go & see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. the paper said, "it is 5am. wake up."
men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
and remember this - god may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
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