The daughter is turning 16 soon, one and half months to go. Her exam results are coming out tomorrow. Are we nervous? A tad probably (I cannot tell a lie). The hubby is trying to maintain his cool but I suppose he won't be able to sleep tonight. The daughter? She is keeping her calm but I guess as much she is as excited (or not) & nervous. Who wouldn't be? We've been there, we know how it feels...
Will it be what we expect? We honestly do not know what to expect. Of course we hope & pray for the best. She has done her best, we have supported her in any way we can. And now we leave it to the great scheme of life. Whatever the outcome is tomorrow, we accept. What's done is done, right? She is supposed to decide on her course of studies as it will determine what she wants to do in life. She's fifteen going on sixteen for heaven's sake. But then again, its a dog eat dog world out there. If we don't join in the rat race, we'd be left behind. If we get too caught up in it, what is there left?
I've always been of the opinion that raising kids in this day & age is definitely a challenge. We've tried to impart to her what we did not get from our parents, to teach her things they don't teach in schools. Independence, loving yourself, principles in life, lessons in life, etc. She is at this stage where it can be sunshine one minute & thunderstorms the next. She can be happy one second, blink and she's grumpy as hell. Been there, done that... so we try.
We give her the responsibility of choosing & deciding for herself, to be accountable and bear the outcome of her actions whatever it may be, we listen to what she has to say... we try not to say "I told you so" or "Because I said so" (well the father did try the "because I am your father and because I said so" only to be asked "ya, but why" so we know that doesn't work).
I've only got a couple of years to go while she is still with us, so I am making the best of it. Come college years, she may be away from us no one really knows although the father is trying to make sure she attends college or university near to home. She may be in a foreign land pursuing her dreams. As the saying goes, 'When you really love someone, set it free.' I am setting her free to learn, to do, to dress, to be friends with whomever as she pleases. She knows her limits, her friends are decent & a good influence on her, she knows we are there for her if she needs us.
As parents, do we listen to our kids? 'Do we have that attitude of 'I'm the adult, you're the kid. What do you know? You should listen to me'? Do we doubt their abilities, deprive them of speaking their mind, voicing their opinions & concerns, their knowledge? Do we have such huge egos that just deters us from admitting we are wrong, to apologize? Do we pressure them so much to have a life we dream of instead of what they dream of? Do we want what's best for us or them? Do we allow them to experience life, fall, feel the pain & disappointment and pick themselves and tell them 'Hey, that's life.' Or do we protect them so much that that they are disillusioned?
Yes, they may have their heads in the clouds at times and it is our responsibility to bring them down to earth & explain things to them. Don't just dismiss their childish fantasies. It's always a phase they go through & one fine day, they will stop to realise that there are more important perspectives in life than running away to join the circus.
How they turn out to be is a result of what we have taught them. The kind of person they will grow up to be is the kind of person we are now. And vice versa.
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