It is indeed disturbing when you read about death of infants which may be due to the caretaker's negligence. It makes you think 'What is wrong with these people?'. It was recently reported in the dailies about a death of a month year old infant who starved to death after his parents who were drunk shitless forgot to feed him (here for complete article) & in today's papers an interesting letter sent in by a reader in NZ.
I quote from the letter - If one mentions the term “child negligence”, one would instantly define it as bad parenting. Child negligence is not just bad parenting. It is also classified as a kind of abuse in which the parents do not medically, physically and emotionally nurture a child well enough to ensure that he or she grows up healthy and safe. Moreover, one would quickly assume that child negligence is commited by irresponsible parents from dysfunctional or lower income families who choose to take drugs or alchohol instead of being responsible caregivers. This is not true. Child negligence occur in any family, regardless of the socio-economic background, age, appearance, skin colour and ethnicity. It takes place in advanced societies, too. We should not be surprised if the trend is apparent even among middle or high income families. Child negligence no longer involves parents who have substance, drinking or behavioural problems. Negligence now comes in the form of parents who think maids and teachers can take their place in raising the children. This also applies to the hedonistic and materialistic sort who prefer partying, shopping, having fun with their friends and socialising rather than spending quality time with their children.
Just this morning I was chatting with a friend who wanted some advise on some problems her son was having in school. I can understand her being protective over him what with him being a sensitive child & with certain shortcomings which he can overcome given time, lots of guidance, patience & tlc. But I firmly believe that she should let loose the apron strings a bit & let him learn through these experiences, good or bad. I believe that her son is on the right track & she only needs to constantly teach him to stand up for himself, be tougher & wisen up to his 'bullies'.
Then as I was driving back after fetching the daughter from school, she tells me of her classmate who came to school with gucci bags & a cup of coffee. She fell asleep during one of the lessons & apparently after being queried, she told of how she sneaked out of the house at an ungodly hour this morning to lepak in a fast food outlet till it was time to go to school.
Seems the guy who masterminded this get-together is a senior who 'stole' the parents car to pick them up. While the rest of them headed for school straight after their rendezvous (what they were doing in that outlet for four hours in the wee hours of the morning baffles me & for the hell of it, they cannot possibly be studying), the smarty-pants drove back, parked the car & then went to school and made do like nothing happened.
Now, I am curious - how did these kids get away with this? Did the parents wake up this morning, found their child absent & go 'Oh, they have probably left for school?'. I mean, really? If you as a mother wakes up at six in the morning, goes to the child's room to wake them up only to find they are not there, would you assume that your child has left for school? Seriously, which teenager is eager to jump out of bed & go to school at six in the morning. They would only do that if its the last day of school and the start of a long semester break. That too, provided they don't have some boring penceramah drumming some nonsensical stuff (like buat lah benda berfaedah masa cuti anda) into their ear passage which can only go in one & out the other.
As much as we parents want to protect them all the time, sometimes it is very difficult to & we have to watch them fall (physically, literally). It hurts us more than it does them but we have to hold back & trust they will come out of it stronger. If a child fails & feels bad, it is up to us to tell them it's okay, to tell them that it's not so bad after all. Let them know that whatever they achieve or whatever they fail to, we are there for them - loving them, encouraging them, just being there if they need a shoulder to cry on, or just to listen & if we are lucky enough, words of wisdom.
Nobody said parenting is easy. It's tough, challenging with lots of laughter, tears, pain, anger but somebody's got to do it. Would I go through what I did with my child all over again? In a heartbeat & a thousand times over...
To the daughter if you are reading this, always know that I am here for you no matter what & that I love you to death. But all this talk about failing doesn't give you the license to slack off & say "But you said..." Yes, I do love you with all my life but I will not hesitate to smack some senses into that pretty little head of yours...
20090331
more than meets the eye
Am so looking forward to this movie. You can bet your ass I'll be in the queue the minute they start selling the tickets...
we'll have that to go...
The yoga instructor sms-ed me yesterday asking how I felt after the excruciatingly torturous ninety minutes Pilates class in the morning. It hurt in places I never knew existed before but I guess I'll live another day...
Then she asks if I know of any food delivery services as she is a spinster & eats out daily. I told her I would ask around but unfortunately not many people I are know subscribe to such services. But it seems the going rate is anything from RM150 to RM180 per head per month for one meal a day (weekdays only) with three dishes. So that works out to about RM7 - RM9 a meal.
So I text a friend who is in the food business & he gives me the idea to set up a partnership with him. Sounds interesting.....If it works out, I'll post something soon. Healthy yummylicious food coming your way. I. Hope.
Then she asks if I know of any food delivery services as she is a spinster & eats out daily. I told her I would ask around but unfortunately not many people I are know subscribe to such services. But it seems the going rate is anything from RM150 to RM180 per head per month for one meal a day (weekdays only) with three dishes. So that works out to about RM7 - RM9 a meal.
So I text a friend who is in the food business & he gives me the idea to set up a partnership with him. Sounds interesting.....If it works out, I'll post something soon. Healthy yummylicious food coming your way. I. Hope.
i'm saying 'no'..
A long-time girlfriend called me over the weekend asking me to help her out at an event she's doing at the race circuit for the upcoming f1 this weekend. Something about hosting some lunches & dinners at the hospitality booth for the pit crew & media or something like that.
Had to pass on the weekend stint as we will be out of town attending a family function. Then she asked if I would be free on Monday to Wednesday to help her out (and not forgetting to miss out the "We'll pay you lah").
I didn't need to bat an eyelid to decline the offer although it would mean that I would have gotten the chance to ogle at the pit crew upfront and not via binoculars like how I did back then. If it were any other day, I would have said yes but unfortunately I couldn't make myself free (being chauffeur to the daughter lah). The hubby felt bad that I had to turn it down cos she's a long long long long time friend and he felt bad that we couldn't help her. I told him too bad but family comes before friends. I told him its pointless for me to say yes to her, go there for a couple of hours then drive all the way back her mid-day when I'm supposed to be 'working' to fetch the daughter from school. I might as well not go. The hubby still felt bad but left it up to me to decide.
Sometimes we find it difficult to say NO to our friends for fear of hurting them or their feelings. Sometimes we find it difficult to say the things that our friends should hear instead of want to hear because we don't want to them to feel bad. Sometimes they get angry or mad at us simply for saying NO or refusing to help them or not telling them the things they want to hear and say we are not supportive of them. But should we feel guilty for doing what we did? Are we really out there to get them?
I guess I can only do to the best of my abilities. How they want to judge me, by my words or my actions is their prerogative. If they hate me for it, no big deal. If they appreciate me for it, then I am indeed blessed for their friendship. And any friend of mine worth their salt would know me for who I am and why I do the things I do..
So, it's quite simple really - purse your lips, tip of the tongue of top of the 'langit-langit' (what's this called in English ah?) & just say NO.
Had to pass on the weekend stint as we will be out of town attending a family function. Then she asked if I would be free on Monday to Wednesday to help her out (and not forgetting to miss out the "We'll pay you lah").
I didn't need to bat an eyelid to decline the offer although it would mean that I would have gotten the chance to ogle at the pit crew upfront and not via binoculars like how I did back then. If it were any other day, I would have said yes but unfortunately I couldn't make myself free (being chauffeur to the daughter lah). The hubby felt bad that I had to turn it down cos she's a long long long long time friend and he felt bad that we couldn't help her. I told him too bad but family comes before friends. I told him its pointless for me to say yes to her, go there for a couple of hours then drive all the way back her mid-day when I'm supposed to be 'working' to fetch the daughter from school. I might as well not go. The hubby still felt bad but left it up to me to decide.
Sometimes we find it difficult to say NO to our friends for fear of hurting them or their feelings. Sometimes we find it difficult to say the things that our friends should hear instead of want to hear because we don't want to them to feel bad. Sometimes they get angry or mad at us simply for saying NO or refusing to help them or not telling them the things they want to hear and say we are not supportive of them. But should we feel guilty for doing what we did? Are we really out there to get them?
I guess I can only do to the best of my abilities. How they want to judge me, by my words or my actions is their prerogative. If they hate me for it, no big deal. If they appreciate me for it, then I am indeed blessed for their friendship. And any friend of mine worth their salt would know me for who I am and why I do the things I do..
So, it's quite simple really - purse your lips, tip of the tongue of top of the 'langit-langit' (what's this called in English ah?) & just say NO.
20090327
not nigella's kitchen
If a klutz who can't dance is called a person with two left feet, what is a person who is entirely hopeless in the kitchen called? Two lefts spatulas ke, two left woks ke I was that once upon a time.
No, no I am not claiming to be a nigella or kylie kwong but I guess boleh lah...Edible lah, makan tak matinye. Sakit perut tak jamin though....
And through this never ending learning process I call whomever available or who has mastered the recipe (mother in law lah, sisters in law lah, sister lah, mother lah, friends lah) on how to cook a certain dish. And I just hate it when they go "Aiyah, so easy lah...", "Alah, senang jer..."
Memang lah easy if that is your signature dish & you have been cooking it donkey years or that is all you ever cook when the family comes back. But for someone who is just learning it or trying it for the first time, not so easy lah kan??
So next time I happen to call you to ask how to cook something, say "Aiyah, senang jer tu.." and see what happens...
No, no I am not claiming to be a nigella or kylie kwong but I guess boleh lah...Edible lah, makan tak matinye. Sakit perut tak jamin though....
And through this never ending learning process I call whomever available or who has mastered the recipe (mother in law lah, sisters in law lah, sister lah, mother lah, friends lah) on how to cook a certain dish. And I just hate it when they go "Aiyah, so easy lah...", "Alah, senang jer..."
Memang lah easy if that is your signature dish & you have been cooking it donkey years or that is all you ever cook when the family comes back. But for someone who is just learning it or trying it for the first time, not so easy lah kan??
So next time I happen to call you to ask how to cook something, say "Aiyah, senang jer tu.." and see what happens...
earth hour
You should know that tomorrow at 830pm (local Malaysian time) is Earth Hour, right? Well, if you don't go here for information & do sign up for it....
There was a letter to the editor in The Star a couple of days back, saying that this is just a publicity stunt. He said something like it should be a continuous exercise & not just one hour a day in a year. But it starts somewhere right? It's up to us to make it an annual one hour on one day exercise or if we want to practise it.
But it will make a spectacular sight no? Imagine the city in the still of the dark, lit probably by candles or lanterns. Plenty of happenings around town but unfortunately we have dinner plans with some friends.
The funny thing is, the hubby wanted me to check with the restaurant whether they would be part of this Earth Hour event. So I called them, spoke to the manager & it went somewhat like this:
Me: Hi, I was planning to come over for dinner at your place this Saturday but I want to know if you are participating in the Earth Hour event?
Her: What event is that?
And I very patiently explain to her what it's about only to have her tell me "No, no we don't have booking so far for this event."
Whatever lah!!!
There was a letter to the editor in The Star a couple of days back, saying that this is just a publicity stunt. He said something like it should be a continuous exercise & not just one hour a day in a year. But it starts somewhere right? It's up to us to make it an annual one hour on one day exercise or if we want to practise it.
But it will make a spectacular sight no? Imagine the city in the still of the dark, lit probably by candles or lanterns. Plenty of happenings around town but unfortunately we have dinner plans with some friends.
The funny thing is, the hubby wanted me to check with the restaurant whether they would be part of this Earth Hour event. So I called them, spoke to the manager & it went somewhat like this:
Me: Hi, I was planning to come over for dinner at your place this Saturday but I want to know if you are participating in the Earth Hour event?
Her: What event is that?
And I very patiently explain to her what it's about only to have her tell me "No, no we don't have booking so far for this event."
Whatever lah!!!
20090326
change will do me good?
I was chatting with a friend (2t) through IM a couple of days back & she wanted to know if I decided to take on the job offer with my ex-boss.
So I was telling her about how my ex-boss was kind enough to allow me to do it on a temp basis for two months; at the end of which I can decide if I wanted to be employed or continue being a bum.. 2t was telling me that she felt I should work & I asked her why she thought so.
Miscommunication & a couple of missing words aside, she felt that I have changed since I quit my job & thus felt that I should work so I can get my groove back. I asked her "Changed? How?"
She recalled some conversation we had yonks ago & I said something like "Entahlah, nak mati kot". So she concluded (or not) that I have become quite emo, which she says is not me.
I don't know - is being emotional bad? I do try to see the good in all & the positive side of things but I don't believe that EVERY day is a good day & EVERY time is cheery, smiley, happy happy.
Some days when I feel that I have been misunderstood by people who matter most to me, I do feel sad & down. Or when it's that time of the month & nothing seems to go right, I just want everyone to drop dead.
And as age catches up, I guess I have come to accept things that I cannot change as they are. I have mellowed (no more temper flares) & am more calm and composed.
Maybe in my case, I did really get wiser as I grew older (yes, comments are welcomed & I promise to not delete any even if it's down-right stupid and not at all flattering to me).
Well, maybe that is 2t's perspective that I have changed but I see me as the same old me, just a little more mature. What do you think?
So I was telling her about how my ex-boss was kind enough to allow me to do it on a temp basis for two months; at the end of which I can decide if I wanted to be employed or continue being a bum.. 2t was telling me that she felt I should work & I asked her why she thought so.
Miscommunication & a couple of missing words aside, she felt that I have changed since I quit my job & thus felt that I should work so I can get my groove back. I asked her "Changed? How?"
She recalled some conversation we had yonks ago & I said something like "Entahlah, nak mati kot". So she concluded (or not) that I have become quite emo, which she says is not me.
I don't know - is being emotional bad? I do try to see the good in all & the positive side of things but I don't believe that EVERY day is a good day & EVERY time is cheery, smiley, happy happy.
Some days when I feel that I have been misunderstood by people who matter most to me, I do feel sad & down. Or when it's that time of the month & nothing seems to go right, I just want everyone to drop dead.
And as age catches up, I guess I have come to accept things that I cannot change as they are. I have mellowed (no more temper flares) & am more calm and composed.
Maybe in my case, I did really get wiser as I grew older (yes, comments are welcomed & I promise to not delete any even if it's down-right stupid and not at all flattering to me).
Well, maybe that is 2t's perspective that I have changed but I see me as the same old me, just a little more mature. What do you think?
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